I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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