i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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