Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
