First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize