my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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