McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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