i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Randomize