Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
