There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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