Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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