I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
