Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
