its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
