I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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