i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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