just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
