he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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