It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
