she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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