I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
