I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize