i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
