i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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