Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
