I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
