Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
