what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
