U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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