I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
