I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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