Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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