Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
