If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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