right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Drunk is not a location!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
