Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
