I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
