ya dads aren't the best wingmen
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize