i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize