You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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