So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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