I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
