I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
