so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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