she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
