Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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