what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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