He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
