Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
