no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
