The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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