i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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