so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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