We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
