dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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