i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize