her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
