i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
