dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
