She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
