what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
