I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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