I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
