I must be too annoying 4 u.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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