he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
