; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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