he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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