Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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