He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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