i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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