She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
