I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
